For the little soccer warriors that are too young to read this, I beg you, the loving parent to pass on this message.
The carrot has definitely been dangled in front of the soccer community. Inflated pay packets and the media coverage is enough to send any parent around the bend.
What’s the catch?
Kids soccer has become organized chaos with young children as young as 5 running all over the place competing for ball time and their chance to shine in the spotlight. The coaches and wannabes try and harness this chaotic energy while the parents try frantically to control and restore some order.
How do they control chaotic energy? Unless you’re some crazy scientist, you cannot control chaos, especially when it’s organized.
Apart from the usual control methods like yelling, screaming and pointing the finger, parents are evolving into this money hungry beast that specializes in criticism.
Criticism is the act of passing severe judgment and fault finding.
What about constructive criticism? What about it?
For all you delusional parents out there listen up, CRITICISM is not love, far from it. To put it politely it’s a form of hatred. Criticism is uncomfortable and saddening and a guaranteed way of wiping that smile straight of your child’s face.
What?
You don’t like my criticism of you?
Well guess what?
I’m not going to sugar coat your behavior or your intentions to criticize. Criticism, judgment, agitations and constant pressure are exactly why so many young players quit the game.
Constructive my arse!
How do you feel when you get criticized? It could be criticism from your boss, coach, partner or anyone for that matter. Do you feel good about it? Do you embrace it? Even if the criticism is “constructive”, the words still haunt you and the feeling of self worth evaporates quicker than you can restore it.
Then let me ask you this,
If adults with all their experience and wisdom struggle with criticism, why are we subjecting young children to it? The Status Quo suggests that kids will quit the game before they become teenagers. So why are we criticizing these young fragile minds?
Time Out.
Instead of criticism and frustrations lets talk about love. Forget about soccer, contracts and everything else you’ve conjured up for your child.
Love is free and simple, yet so elusive.
Is it wrong to feel a certain way?
Why would it be wrong?
What would happen if you let your child feel a certain way?
How about starting and seeing where that takes your child. If you persist with criticism you become a part of the Status Quo and your child will inevitable become a part of the scrap heap.
Is it wrong to feel important?
What makes you feel important? What makes your child feel important?
Gather around the monitor and I’ll let you in on a little secret. Are you ready for this ground breaking news? Drum roll please.
Talking about what makes you feel important, well, makes you feel important. Try it with your child or players. Take control of your child’s dream and if needed, become selfish. Protect and preserve the love. Become grateful and enjoy the journey.
Being selfish to your child’s emotions should never make you feel guilty. A selfish craving of love is your divine calling, not criticism.
You have 2 choices as a parent.
Your child becomes another statistic and a part of the status quo or you try this new thing I’m talking about, a selfish craving of love.
Try it; your child will love you for it.
“May the winds of destiny blow you to the stars.”
This comes to mind…
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gQsGJVg6cM8
This post is a little confusing, you have to criticize if you are a parent. “Johnny, stop hitting Jimmy”, or “please eat your food over your plate” is criticism, and you have to do it, its your job.
When it comes to soccer, you should avoid saying anything negative about how they play, but you have to insist that they be a good sport, try hard even on days that they don’t feel like it, be a good team mate etc. And that is sometimes critical.
Gday Anon, the criticism I’m talking about here is the one found during and after a soccer match, you know the one, vented disappointment and being critical of their performance.
Their performance should be encouraged and the parents should be cheerleaders not the next Mourinho or Mancini.
As for your example, “Johnny stop hitting Jimmy”, the coach should handle this. When you hand over your kids to the coach he becomes the authority for the duration of training. Parents need to stop interfering and let the coach, well you guessed it, coach.
If he cannot stop Johnny from hitting Jimmy then maybe the coach needs to be put under the microscope. As for criticism at home, that is your domain, you are the authority.
Once again thank you for your comments and feedback.
Confusion that leads to questions is a good thing. Kids Soccer needs more confusion if you ask me and certain problems and questions need addressing.
I agree, I am a college prof and usually confusion is necessary for understanding. And I enjoy these conversations, since being a soccer fan of my kids teams seems to becoming a big part of my life.
I think the excessive cheering is bad too, kids can pretty easily tell whats’ up when you are not excessively cheering. I wish we had a league where the games were just informal, just show up and let the kids pick teams and we make sure they don’t fight.