I was talking on the phone with my best friend the other day and we were talking about life…as you do driving home from work.
Our kids, in particular kids soccer was the hot topic and the question of perception versus reality crept into the hands free conversation.
I’ve read it and most people preach that your perception is your reality. This shouldn’t be anything new because ultimately what you think, feel or even believe inevitably shapes your reality. Sprinkle a little fear and self doubt and you have life in a nutshell.
Warning- this is only my opinion about kid’s soccer but you can quote me on it.
“We are never responding to the coach, soccer or our children”
When we respond to situations or our children, we are always responding to ourselves. 9 times out of 10, we respond with our emotional state. Whether it’s the Good, the Bad or the Tormented.
Lets illustrate with an example.
You’re feeling angry, frustrated for whatever reason. While watching your child’s lackluster performance you feel furious with the lack of enthusiasm and concentration. You start to yell and overreact.
In contrast, imaging you’re buzzing or feeling fantastic. You’ve just been promoted and received a large chunk of coin, good times. Or you might be happy because….(fill in the gaps with whatever tickles your fancy)
While watching your child play you keenly discuss the good news with anyone within a 5 meter radius. You notice your child struggling and you pause for a second to offer encouragement and support.
Same situation but a very different response.
Are we really responding to our children?
Here’s my quote again.
“We are never responding to the coach, soccer or our children”
What causes us to respond the way we do while watching soccer?
Big Disclaimer- I’m guilty of this too, so I’m not preaching but rather venting my shortcomings.
Solution
Next time you’re feeling angry, frustrated or disappointed, do not look to justify your feelings based on what someone said, did or whether your child is chasing the ball.
Before you unleash a mouthful of tyranny stop and look at yourself. Chances are your holding onto something that might not be serving you.
Before you point the finger and begin to tear shreds out of your child think about your emotional state.
Awareness is the first step.
So point the finger at yourself first. It may take some time, but your experience of the world game will start to shift and your child will start to reap the benefits.
If the above resonates with you, here are some tips to help us both change.
It takes a lot of courage and it’s definitely not easy.
See the best in your child
Always!
Say, “I trust and believe in you”.
That’s all, no advice. Saying it and meaning it is a true act of love.
Love Based Soccer
Love Based Soccer is changing the odds.
Your child is perfect.
Love Unconditionally. Forget about the future and expectations and love in the present.
Forgive and Forget
If you can do this, you’ll do yourself a big favour.
Let it go.
Take responsibility for your actions
Be responsible for your own behaviour.
Sometimes the key is in your heart, not your brain.
Awareness
Connect with your child.
Your life is about your child. At the end of the day, this unselfish act is one of great compassion and development. Mastering this act will uplift everyone around you, not just your child.
Remember the search for happiness is more important than the need for pain.
“May the winds of destiny blow you to the stars”
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